True Grit

So this weekend I watched the movie True Grit. Now I am told, that in some High Schools across this great nation, people were required to read this little slice of Americana. Now, I don't remember this book at all. That means one of two things. First, Upper St. Clair High School was way behind the times and we were too busy being rich (by we, I mean not me) or second, I was too busy cultivating my pimp stache and hitting on the ladies (picture included for your viewing pleasure)

Drink it in America, Drink it in....

Now that you are done drinking that in, I will continue with my movie tale. My wife briefly filled me in on what the movie was about, and the commercials I had seen made me think that this could be something worth watching. So I pop this movie in and I am immediately met with some smart ass little girl mouthing off to pretty much everyone in this town. Hold on here, why is there a 12 year old girl mouthing off to people. This isn't an episode of ICarly (or whatever the hell shows the kids are watching these days), this is the wild west. I've seen Tombstone. They shoot people for fun in the Wild West. Wyatt Earp just walked into random bars and started slapping people in the face like an episode of Jersey Shore. Why doesn't someone just punch this little girl in the face (Note I am not advocating beating children, but in the Wild West you can do things like that).

So as though that isn't enough, then in comes Matt Damon. I'm not sure who did costume design for this movie, but I feel fairly certain that if you looked up child molester, there would be a picture of Matt Damon from this movie. Let me put it this way, if Matt Damon's character were walking down the street, and I had my child on that same side of the street...I would pick my child up, spray mace in Matt Damon's face and then sprint (which would still be slow, I know) to the other side of the road. Nothing is good about that character. As if to support my theory, one of the first interaction Matt Damon has with the girl he tells her he almost kissed her while she was asleep. Oh I'm sorry, where I come from that is called statutory rape/creepy. Then in the middle of the woods, he starts spanking her. Oh and, he is an idiot. Who in the hell walks into a group of 4 men (who are all on horseback and look shady as hell), in the wild west, and try to talk to them. Again, I saw Tombstone, and when 4 guys are all hanging out in the Wild West they are going to kill someone or rob something. Matt Damon, you should know better.

I think this picture pretty much sums up everything I said....

Finally, the main character. Rooster Cogburn. He is drunk, he is mean, he is angry. Obviously, I loved him.

The movie ends rather abruptly. I won't tell you what happens, but pretty much as soon as you get invested in the movie it ends. I give this movie 6 out of 10. It's no Harry Potter, but it's no Batman Begins either (the former being good and the latter bad). I learned three things from this movie:

1. I want to watch Tombstone.
2. If you are ever going bounty hunting, a 12 year old girl who can't shoot, scavenge, make anything of note and who mouths off to everyone may not be your best companion.
3. I want to watch Tombstone.